low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I AM VODKA MAN
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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