Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
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I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
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literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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