Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
