Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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