I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
