Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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