Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
