Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Shame - the story of my life.
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