Your face is a jimmy john
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
