i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
