Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
