dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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