one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
