Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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