I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
