my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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