did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
