i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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