Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
They have beer where we have blood.
I have already put on my inside pants.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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