Texts From Last Night

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  (360): View more from Washington

  Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.

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  (360): Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news. http://tfl.nu/qxqs
  Replies (10) Good night (589) Bad night (1719)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I wish i could be there for it

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  (413): Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning (1-413): More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub (413): I wish i could be there for it http://tfl.nu/f5kk
  Replies (4) Good night (2374) Bad night (523)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  youre going to kill that woman one of these days

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  (609): i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings (856): youre going to kill that woman one of these days http://tfl.nu/m946
  Replies (25) Good night (4228) Bad night (715)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail

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  (864): I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail http://tfl.nu/plfb
  Replies (47) Good night (762) Bad night (13216)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in

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  (928): We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in http://tfl.nu/1vzn
  Replies (17) Good night (6181) Bad night (894)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???

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  (806): What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head??? http://tfl.nu/gwk9
  Replies (30) Good night (4637) Bad night (1517)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.

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  (412): well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm. http://tfl.nu/hugj
  Replies (10) Good night (5144) Bad night (911)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.

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  (708): Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college. http://tfl.nu/9ysd
  Replies (14) Good night (3068) Bad night (617)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?

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  (417): so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra? http://tfl.nu/rm09
  Replies (28) Good night (1585) Bad night (3543)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.

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  (903): True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad. http://tfl.nu/idc2
  Replies (6) Good night (774) Bad night (1662)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs

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  (519): The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs http://tfl.nu/wzfm
  Replies (4) Good night (1432) Bad night (599)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.

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  (917): She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl. http://tfl.nu/btqg
  Replies (1) Good night (1307) Bad night (746)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk

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  (780): It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk http://tfl.nu/34yj
  Replies (8) Good night (834) Bad night (358)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.

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  (832): after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations. http://tfl.nu/2l5l
  Replies (14) Good night (1472) Bad night (393)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Well I just put wine in my tea

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  (651): Well I just put wine in my tea http://tfl.nu/sol7
  Replies (5) Good night (642) Bad night (313)

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