It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.