look no pants
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.