I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.