I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
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i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
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Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho