Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth

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(812): View more from Indiana

sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.

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(217): View more from Illinois

i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(334): View more from Alabama

How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.

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(512): View more from Texas

Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.

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(765): View more from Indiana

I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no

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(404): View more from Georgia

I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.

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(+61): View more from Australia

I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.

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