I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
