It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
