Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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