we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
