Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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