I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
