Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
