everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
