For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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