I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize