there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize