I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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