She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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