My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
COCAINE IS GR8
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize