yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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