she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
