yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
