i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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