i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We have so much sex to catch up on
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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