She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon