I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.