Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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