Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
