I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
