im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
