The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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