You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
