Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
