Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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