Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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