Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
