he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
