Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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