last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
How's work?
Spinning.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
