I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
